Sunday, September 28, 2008

what for am I writing and posting this?

I don't seem to have, at this point, a lot of wisdom on a particular topic, or even much of a focus or prism to organize this with. So why am I doing this?

Because Ellen inspired me to.
Because it helps me to think.
Because it is a way to communicate with farflung friends and family. 
Because it pushes me to articulate things.
Because it is a way and a place to keep track of things, to keep a record.

How is this different from writing e-mail and sending it to everyone I know? Or having different threads of topics that I write to different friends about? 

Maybe this would be a lot more obvious to me if I were a person reading a lot of other blogs. I look at a few sometimes. But I am not in the blog culture.

Here's why I think it's a good thing:

• because I can put out my thoughts, information, data logs, and not have to feel like I'm pushing them on people
• because friends/family can come and look at the blog when they feel like it, and if they don't, can skip over it
• I can even imagine a way that I use this for responding to things that individual people have asked me or talked to me about, or have said that I felt I wanted to respond to, but where it felt, again, pushy to come back with my thoughts - either because too much time has elapsed, or because I'm just not sure how interested the person is in the exchange at that moment

Mostly, though, I'm thinking and hoping this will help me think. Obviously I'd love it if it also helped me connect better / more with my farflung people, whom I am missing. 

The end. Amen. For now.

things I want to write about

first and foremost: what this is. what I'm doing here. why I'm doing it. who it's for.


as I already said, 

Felix's school's parents' info night
going places on the bus
the figure I cut when I shop

and also:

• weight watchers and me: what's going on, how it's different here in Berlin, why the last few days have suddenly been so successful after so much trouble . . .
• books and reading and what I'm reading
• posts for individual people
• walking in Berlin
• grocery shopping in Berlin (above and beyond what I *look* like)
• thoughts on writing
• thoughs on absence, on distance, on foreignness

Enough for now. I want to think about #1 above, first and foremost, first.

Friday, September 26, 2008

lost in so many ways

For my sister, something hopeful.
For my father, some numbers.
For my mother, something to amuse, entertain, engage, I hope? and maybe some more numbers.
For my friends in Berkeley, a shoutout; for my friends in Bloomington, another shoutout, and a wistful plea.

For my husband, a little gratitude.
For my sons, a wish.
For my family and old and new friends in Berlin and the rest of Germany, some yearning and some German.
For myself, some English, some hopes, some reminders.

Some of the streets I ran along yesterday:

Koenigsallee (where I live)
Alte Allee
and my favorite:


King's Boulevard
Old Avenue
Butterfly / Moth Path (literally Folder Path - fabulous image, I love it, of the wings folding closed)
Red Pine Path
Cicada Path
and the fabulous Eternal Woods Path, or Lasting Woods Way

And all the ways I am lost:

• unable to participate in the rich life I left behind in Bloomington, missing my daily wonderful routines and my daily wonderful friends
• unable to be my full round(ed) self in this German language I am so proud of mastering but so clearly not the complete mistress of
• not in synch with dear sister-in-law, mother of adorable niece, hard to connect timewise
• so far out in the woods we are (see above street names), all of glorious Berlin tantalizingly just too far to just pop out and about. Everybody suffering from this to varying degrees
• what am I doing? till at least last week: gaining weight, floundering in my household, unable to focus on anything really, fighting with spouse, floundering floundering floundering

And all the ways I am found:

• wonderful to read poetry with Felix this morning, home sick from school but glad to hear excerpts from Hunting of the Snark and Edward Lear's Jumblies and The Spider and the Fly; also told him sick elephant jokes
• looking forward to breakfast with Anja and Alexander next week
• husband and I had a very hopeful meeting today; sometimes he surprises me with his forward looking abilities
• found my right Weight Watcher meeting on Tuesday; sticking to daily points so far (OK, Tuesday not; Wednesday and Thursday yes, totally; today so far I'm 2 points over but I might still be able to work on that exercisewise)
• jogging, hooray! Here are a few of the promised numbers: 94 minutes yesterday, I think it was 7 or 7 1/2 miles, 14220 steps (I figure 150 steps/minute is my good (slow!) jogging pace, and that would have been 14100 so I'm over). This is a great jog for me. Hubby couldn't come along this time. I worked on the novel in my head (see next item).
• novel: it's taking shape in my head! So far I've only talked to Felix about it, and I wrote to Ellen M. about maybe writing to her about it. I don't think I want to blog about it because I will lose privacy but I'm very happy because I think things are happening there. 

Dear hearts, I meant to keep this first post short. Ellen has already read some of this. The pounds and kilos will come later (believe me, there are lots of them). (OK, OK, here they are:

mornings nights
(these are kilos: multiply by 2.2 for pounds)

F 19 82.3 ?
S 20 ? 84.9!
S 21 83.4 85.1!
M 22 83.6 85.0
T 23 83.7 85.3 (went to Weight Watchers)
W 24 ? 84.5 (it's already working!)
Th 25 83.1 83.3 (and more so!)
F 26 82.3 not there yet

Mommy o'mine, the amusing things will have to come later. Was that everything? Here are some things I might should write about:

Felix's school's parents' info night
going places on the bus
the way I shop (I'm quite a sight)

things I wish:

I was walking or jogging in Berkeley with you, Lyn and Diane
I was walking in Bloomington with you, Susan, and you, Beth and Alex and Sue and Jenny and Ellen
(and with you, Cynthia, either where!)
I was drinking tea with you, expectant Sarah
I could be a picture of calm in all dealings with my husband
I could presto change-o make our dwelling be somewhere more in the middle of Berlin, closer to the bakeries and cafes and Turkish produce shops and subways and LIFE

Reminders to myself:

stay calm
a writer writes; to be a writer, write
I have to put my own oxygen mask on first
I can count my points till the cows come home; if I don't stop eating when they run out, it won't help much 

There. I didn't try to make this make sense, just jumped in. Wish me luck, wish me CALM, wish me productivity and domestic bliss. Wish my mother-in-law recovery from illness.